Emily the Mystic (00:12.652)
My listener, do I have a juicy episode for you today? I am really excited because I think that this episode is gonna be one of the most impactful that I have ever recorded. Truly to this day. It is going to be so chalkful of wisdom and experiential guidance based on my life, based on what I've been moving through over the course of the last year. And
I know that so many of you need to receive the medicine that is in this episode. So I am trusting that it's gonna reach whoever needs to hear it. And I know that the words in here and the guidance that I share, it's gonna help you, help support you with what I feel like so many of us are navigating right now. I feel that collectively.
Because of a lot of the astrology transits and just where we're moving as again, like as a collective group, we're going through a huge relationship rebalancing at this time. And so today I'm gonna be speaking to what I've been experiencing within my own life around relationships, dating, what I've learned in this last year as I've been on the dating journey.
And not just dating, but friendship, soul, family, community, all of it. Because from what I've heard from you guys, you're experiencing a lot of the same things too. And I get DMs from you all the time about how I navigated the ending of my last major relationship, what that looked like for me, how I moved through it, and you know, what life has looked like on the other side. And so
I really hope that this episode touches your heart. It is a more vulnerable one. And you know, I don't share any of this information lightly. and I do hope that it finds you exactly where you need to be today. So let's I can't wait to get into it. but before I get started, I have to share a little bit about my trip to Asheville, North Carolina. So you find me in an entirely
Emily the Mystic (02:34.046)
New energy, new timeline, new field, fresh off of an 11-day, of course, it was 11 days, 11-day excursion down south. I drove over 1200 miles, 600 each way, to Asheville, North Carolina for a spiritual retreat. And this trip has been a long trip.
time coming because if you've been here for a while, you know that sometimes I host retreats. And a couple years ago in 2024, I released a retreat that was about the fairies. It was a fairy themed retreat. Felt super drawn to Asheville at that time. So I planned the retreat for May of 2024 and unfortunately didn't fill. I didn't get enough people to sign up for it in order to make the retreat work. So I rescheduled the dates.
And it just so happens that the weekend that I picked happened to be the same weekend as Hurricane Helene. And honestly, I think it all happened for a reason. And you could say, Emily, like why didn't your intuition choose the right weekend for that trip or all of these things? And I really feel from the bottom of my heart that I was not ready for the medicine of the land. The grids of Asheville are so frickin' powerful. It is a vortex there, truly.
I actually feel that the land there is more intense than Sedona. It is more healing than Sedona. I love Sedona. So don't get me wrong. There's some really cool things about Sedona that are powerful. And Asheville is a really special place and it will forever hold a special place in my heart because the land there, the energy there, really forced me to confront a lot of the deeper seated patterns that I.
Emotions that I've been suppressing, things that I've been avoiding. That's been a long time coming. And that's honestly, I'm fresh off this trip with this guidance, with this soul medicine, this wisdom that I want to share with you because of this trip, because of what I learned, because of this eclipse season. Like all of this is from this past eclipse season, from the solar eclipse in Leo and the lunar eclipse in Pisces.
Emily the Mystic (04:51.864)
The solar eclipse hitting my fourth house of home and relationships, right? And the lunar eclipse and Pisces hitting my 11th house of community and friendships like made sense that I was gonna be going through such a massive portal of relationship healing because ultimately this retreat, this experience, a lot of the solo time that I was able to have that I'm so grateful for really led me back home to myself.
The retreat, or should I say, not the retreat, but the trip itself. I decided to go to Asheville a few days before the retreat to ground, get myself settled, have a few extra days to do some tourist things, to wander, to go out to eat, to check out some of the breweries down there. I'm actually a big beer girly, if I'm being honest. I love a good I love a good pint of an IPA. no shade here towards a good drink here at
In the Emily, the Mystic World, everything in moderation, I think. And so I wanted to go to Asheville to enjoy myself for a couple of days, do all of the things. And what I did not expect was how healing those days would be, how much of initiation those days would be leading up to my retreat in Asheville. And I should say too that this particular spiritual retreat was held by Danielle Mercurio.
Who is incredible. She is a home energetics and Fen Schwei expert and an astrocartographer. I've had her on the podcast before, and I'll leave, I'll link her episode below for you to listen to. And I needed the days leading up to the retreat to get me ready for.
The experience that I would have on the retreat and the days after. Everything was in perfect divine timing, perfect divine order. Everything was so divinely orchestrated. When I saw the email from Danielle this past spring announcing this retreat, it was a full body hell. Yes. It was an instant booking. I got the email, her first email about the trip, and I booked it immediately. I was like, yes, that I need to be there.
Emily the Mystic (07:09.29)
Asheville finally calling me home two years later, after thankfully they have recovered from the hurricane for the most part. I mean, being there, being on the land, there's still a lot of work to do. There are still areas that have been impacted. They're still healing, they're still changing, but it is such a resilient community. The people there are so amazing. They are so deeply connected to the earth and the land. And
I really found being in the frequency of that, the courage, the bravery to help me face a lot of my own fears. And this trip really allowed me to do that. That solo time before the retreat encouraged me to face a lot of my own fears. So, like I was saying, I expected that my these first few days were gonna be me hiking, enjoying myself, and sure I did that. And also.
By I wanna say day three or four, something happened that triggered me, that led me deep, deep, deep into the grief of the ending of my 10-year relationship that I've spoken about a bit on this podcast.
I have been healing so much from that relationship over the last year. And there is still more for me to do. There really has still been more for me to do. I've really, over the last year, been keeping myself busy, teaching, you know, with this business, trying to keep the business moving, changing, evolving. I've been dating a lot. I've been meeting a lot of new people. I have
A lot of friends. I have a lot of relationships outside of Emily the Mystic. And I've been using a lot of that busyness to keep myself from feeling what I really needed to feel, to be a band-aid for a lot of the grief and the pain that I have been suppressing as a result of moving on from that relationship. And I'm going to talk a bit more about that specifically and the nuances of it in this episode.
Emily the Mystic (09:24.238)
Because I haven't really gone there before. So I'm gonna share more of the specifics of what I walked away from and because it's a greater relationship pattern that I am releasing and letting go of that I know so many of you have in your life as well. So we're we're gonna get into that. But before we do, just kind of leading up to the retreat and what I learned and so forth and my my experience.
Going into the depth of my grief, and this happened, this was brought up because I was supposed to go to Asheville for my ferry retreat in October of 2024. And my ex and I had planned time there together in Asheville. We had a hotel booked at the freaking Biltmore Hotel. We had all this stuff planned. And we ended up when Hurricane Helena happened and I canceled everything, we ended up flying to Colorado for a week.
And so the situation on the trip that triggered me brought me into this grief around I wish a part of me wished for the companionship of that relationship, grieving the fact that I was on this trip alone, grieving the fact that I haven't met my person yet, full stop, grieving that I am not exactly where I want to be yet.
And that it's taken me time and I that I am still healing and things have not moved as quickly as I would like them to move. But it's because I have to heal and let go of a lot of what I'm gonna talk about today to set up a firm foundation for me for relationship success for the future. And I know that now. And I feel like the the universe is almost keeping me single for a reason because I have to master this.
in order to be able to call in my person. So I'm gonna get into that. And I'm also gonna talk a bit about different kinds of relationships from a spiritual perspective today, because I I find that having human languaging for our experiences can be really helpful. So I'm gonna give you a bit of a framework, one that I'm gonna be teaching more deeply in my Akashic Records program this fall.
Emily the Mystic (11:44.684)
But there's so much in here that I feel will help you understand your own relationships, your own patterns, and where you may be at with them as well. So I had all this grief come up before the retreat. And it needed to be there. I needed to feel it. I needed to be sad. I needed to be in that pain and move through it to create space for.
The connections that I made on the retreat for the beautiful women that I was able to surround myself with. And it's so funny because this retreat was all the way in Asheville, North Carolina. And there were 10 of us on this trip, two women who had previously lived in Philly, who now live in other cities, and then me, and then five more who currently live in either Philly or North North Jersey or New York City.
Like I'm not even kidding. Every almost everyone was from the Northeast Corridor, which was just unbelievable. So it was like this band of us soul sisters coming together. so the depth of sisterhood that I experienced on this retreat was really, really special. And also it allowed me time to myself for reflection. It forced me to be off my phone, to not be on social media, to like really be present.
with myself and to connect with the land and to connect with the trees and to connect with the fairies and like literally disconnect and be present. And my intuitive gifts really started popping up off as a result of that. Like I started to feel really connected to the the grids of the earth. Danielle herself is an expert grid worker. That's a big part of the work that she does with home energetics. And just kind of like being in her presence and seeing the way that she looks at things.
Helped me tap in and tune into the grids of Asheville, the grids of the home that we were staying in, the grids of our planet. It was really, really a profound experience for me to have that space for myself to heal, to grieve, to be in the presence of Sisterhood, to be supported, and for the lunar eclipse to just kind of be like a celebration of.
Emily the Mystic (14:05.716)
Of me and how far I've come, and I'm so proud of myself because it's you guys, it's been freaking hard. This has been. I honestly thought like this was gonna be over at the end of 2025, and it hasn't been. I've still been in it, I've still been moving through it, and I know a lot of you have been as well. I feel like the fire horse year was not what we expected. It's been intense, but in a way that.
I don't think we were anticipating, to be honest with you. it's forced me again to to really look in the mirror at a lot of things that I need have needed to look at. And it's been emotional and it's been a roller coaster. And I'm coming back from this trip with a new perspective of of I can see where I have been putting, where I repeated the pattern that I ended with my relationship, with my tenure relationship.
I thought I had stepped away from it, but I ended up manifesting that pattern in other relationships that have kept my attention, my energy, my focus elsewhere other than here on my purpose, on this business, on this podcast, on my life's mission, my work, on me, on my own joy, on my own self. And this eclipse season ripped away all of it.
The people where I have been perpetuating the same frickin' pattern that I thought I walked away from with my ex also got ripped away. The band-aids got ripped off. I lost two relationships during this eclipse season, where I was still in the same dynamic, in different capacities, different ways, different manifestations of it. And eclipse season was like, Emily, no more of this. You need to be single.
You need to be focusing on yourself. We need you. The earth needs you. The planet needs you. So here I am to share with you what I've learned. And to help you if you have been perpetuating similar relationship patterns in your own life, to give you a sense of perspective on them, you guys. But also just like this trip too, it was so spiritually healing.
Emily the Mystic (16:28.45)
I had such a cool experience because I really felt connected to the fairies while I was there. And I did I felt the fairies speaking to me on this trip and I felt their nudge to leave them a little offering while I was at the retreat house. And so I gather some nuts and some fruits and I sprinkle them with a little bit of honey and I leave them in front of this tree that looked like a fairy tree. It had this like cool sort of knotted,
hiding hole where fairies would be. So I leave my little offering there and I say hello to the tree, which by the way, you can do. You can connect to the energy of the trees, talk to them. The trees love to talk. They do. They're very talkative beings. So talk to the trees, leave a little offering for your fairy friends. Simple. Just, you know, set your intention and say, this is who this is for and and move on. So I did that and I enjoyed the rest of the retreat. The day that I am leaving the retreat, you guys,
I go to check on my offering and I find in its place where the offering had been left, the offering was gone, which you know the fairies took it, or whatever animal friend they they're connected to. And I am not even kidding you guys. I found in its place a beautiful pile of feathers.
I found a pile of feathers. I have a feather tattooed on my arm. It's one of my biggest spirit symbols. So that was special. I have the one of the feathers that was there. Then I walk up towards the driveway because I'm getting ready to leave. I'm checking out of the retreat. And waiting for me on the driveway was a fairy wing. You have to look, you have to go watch the video version of this for you to see it. I'm holding it up to the camera.
The camera's having a hard time capturing it because it's so small and it's so delicate. But it is a real and true wing, you guys. There is literally a fairy wing right here. It's real. And you know, I was given one of these as a gift when I was a child. It's in my childhood bedroom somewhere, I'm sure. Which really led me to believe that fairies are real.
Emily the Mystic (18:46.198)
And to find one again as an adult at 32 years old was one of the most special experiences of my life to this date. It just showed me and reminded me that magic is real. And so what I my intention for this episode is to help reveal your patterns to you, to be a mirror for your relationship stuff that you may need to look at. And to remind you to, and this is something that Danielle left me with at the end of the retreat.
To settle for nothing less than magic. If your relationships are feeling heavy or burdensome, draining your time and energy, you're just, it's just not it, you know? And it takes time to realize it because we carry as intuitive, empathic giving people, we carry so much guilt. We just want to make sure that everyone's okay at all times and we try to step around people's emotions because we don't want to hurt anybody.
And then what we end up doing is we end up hurting ourselves because we end up spending a lot of time and and energy on things that just aren't right, that are just not a good fit. And
I say this because when you make the difficult choice, or when the universe makes the choice for you to walk away from something, or for something to leave your life, it creates space for more magic to come in in its place. So let this episode bring more magic into your life. And your relationships should feel nothing less than magical.
And I'm so blessed with the relationships that I do have in my life, with the friends that I have, with the people that I surround myself with because they are magical and I have space for more soul family community and hopefully you finding this episode. So that was one really, really special thing that the retreat left me with. So we're gonna get into the episode now. I have a lot to say.
Emily the Mystic (20:50.968)
There's a lot for me to talk about. I'm gonna do my best to articulate all of this. I originally intended to do this episode as kind of like a funny sort of recap of my dating life over the last year with some of the crazy stories that I have. And you'll hear flavorings of that in here. But honestly, it has ended up, I just sat down to write all of my notes and I was like, this is what the episode needed to be about. There's so much medicine in here.
That is really powerful. And I do not intend for this to trigger you or to push your buttons in any kind of way. but if you feel like a little irritated by it or you're like, you know, I don't like hearing that, Emily. there may be something for you to take a look at. Cause trust me, when I listen to things like this, it definitely reminds me of something in my life that I am avoiding, you know, that I really don't want to deal with. And then I keep.
The cycle going, and then I end up hurting myself in the process. So ultimately, this relationship rebalance that you're going through is to help you bring time and energy back to yourself. It's to help you stop abandoning yourself and learn to focus on you again. And Cleo is here as well to help support me in the magic. If you see a cattail, that is Cleo. By the way, this episode is mostly about.
Chosen relationships, not family relationships. So this is about my dating experience, romantic relationships, friendships, soul family. So people that I choose to have in my life versus blood relate blood relatives relationships, ancestral, ancestral energy. I could film a whole episode around that. It's like a whole separate topic.
So this is purely about chosen relationships, the people that you choose to have in your life, because ultimately relationships are a choice. You may think that someone is you know, cemented into your life, but nothing is permanent. Nothing has to be permanent. You ultimately have the choice to decide what you want to do. No matter how much someone is enmeshed in your life or wrapped up in your life.
Emily the Mystic (23:08.916)
Or whatever the living situation is or the dynamic, there is always room to choose yourself and move along. There's always an opportunity.
Emily the Mystic (23:26.446)
For things to change. There really is. And if you have someone or something in the back of your mind as I share some of this with you, I want you to follow that nudge. Follow you in follow your intuition. Because a lot of what I've been learning is so subtle. These patterns are often so subtle that they are the things that you suppress. Because you listening to this, you're likely very sensitive. You're a highly sensitive person, you're very empathic.
You feel a lot and you have a lot of feelings and you have a lot of love to give. You just want to give people give things to people. You want to give love to people. You are a giver. And you're probably a healer too. You probably heal people for a living, you know, have a spiritual business or support others with some kind of service, you know? You're a very mission-oriented, heart-centered person. So often, when that is who we are, we want to give to people. We want to love them up. And
In its place, what we can do is we can have all of these people in our life because we want to have a full life and we want to surround ourselves with these relationships. And then there are these subtle dynamics, the little things that you suppress, the little moments where, and it's tiny little choices where maybe you wanted to say no to something, but in the moment it was exciting, and you were you wanted to.
help the other person and you wanted you wanted to be part of it. But and so you said yes, but underneath it there was a subtle no that you just didn't listen to or things just happened too fast in the moment.
I also want to say with this episode too, you can always change your mind. You can at any point in your life change your mind. I say that I'm a Gemini moon, you guys. I change my mind all the time. And often I haven't given myself permission to change my mind because I'm so afraid of hurting people. As an intuitive, empathic person, you are probably so afraid of hurting people that you carry this burden of guilt.
Emily the Mystic (25:30.626)
That if I were to say what I really mean to say, if I were to say no, if I were to say something that could unintentionally hurt this person, like, I don't, you know, that's uncomfortable. And that brings on the guilt, right? So
And again, like I was saying, these dynamics are so subtle. We often don't even realize that we're doing it. And so I want to encourage you to reflect on within all of your relationships. I'm starting to be more aware of it myself, how you internally feel your internal narrative, your internal dialogue, your internal feelings versus what you communicate versus what you say versus what you agree to versus.
how you express yourself in that dynamic versus how you again, how you operate within that relationship, what the other person sees. Because other people, even if you're psychic, even if you've got psychic friends, they cannot read your mind. They can't. So you're thinking that you're communicating one thing, but what you're saying is not often how you feel internally. And I am realizing that through a lot of my relationships, I suppress the heck.
out of what I really feel because I do not want to hurt the other person. I wanna try to keep the peace. I wanna make sure that they're doing okay. And I'm done. I'm done doing that. I'm over doing that, you guys. Sorry, quick pause, Cleo Ace.
Emily the Mystic (27:13.454)
Clio is about to destroy a paper that would have been really noisy in the background. Getting, my gosh.
Emily the Mystic (27:29.622)
And so when we are givers, we often because we love to give to people, we are often not focusing on what we need to do to give to ourselves, on the things in our life that would really move the needle to help us move towards our purpose, to help us make more money, to help us live a life that is fulfilling, that is fun, that brings us joy. And
Emily the Mystic (28:02.798)
Sorry Andrea, you're gonna need to edit right before that. Cleo is really present with this episode. my god. okay, back to it.
Emily the Mystic (28:16.96)
And so, as giving people, we often will avoid the deeper feelings that we have around our relationships, the uncomfortable feelings, the grief, the anger, the discontent with the relationship, where things just don't feel right. We often avoid them by filling our lives with other people and with activities. So I realized that when
I stepped away from one relationship during this during the clip season and another one self-eliminated from my life, which I'll get into in a little bit. I ended up realizing that I've been trying to fill a void with relationships, with people, with friendships. And that creates codependency.
Emily the Mystic (29:11.288)
So today we're gonna be talking about codependency. We're gonna be talking about karmic relationships, and we're gonna be talking about how that as a giving intuitive person can really make a big impact on your life.
So what does this mean for me, first of all? Well, by walking away from things that were not aligned and realizing that I've been using codependency to fill a void, by ending this pattern for myself, I am completely rebalancing my entire relationship life to call in reciprocal arrangements, reciprocal arrangements, reciprocal relationships with.
That feel equal, where there is an equal give and take, where I feel like the relationship is balanced. So ultimately, all of this is to help you find balance. It's to help you find feel make your life feel good. We spend so much time giving to relationships that don't at the end of the day make us feel good. I'm like, why do we do this?
Literally, like, why do we do this? I mean, you know, you've you've got the friend or you've got the person you're dating that it's fun to be around them and you get along when you're together and like maybe it's a good time, but then when you're not together, maybe there's anxiety, or maybe you you just feel this uncertainty, you feel this doubt, maybe you dread seeing them the next time. Maybe they reach out to you and they're like, let's do this thing together. And you're like, I don't
If I want to, but then you say yes because you feel obligated, because you want to keep up the relationship. And it becomes this whole cycle. Versus what were it would it feel like for you if you were, if your life were filled with relationships that felt like a hell yes, that felt joyful, that felt equal, relationships that could support you in all phases of your life during your good times and your hard times.
Emily the Mystic (31:25.118)
And this isn't to bypass challenge in relationships or conflict in relationships, because that is part of the relationship experience and can bring growth. But if the relationship itself is starting to feel like it's a burden or it's a drain, or there is an intensity to it that you just can't get around, then maybe it's something for you to think about.
Who have you outgrown this relationship? Is it something that's just not a good match for you anymore? We tend to hold on to things way long, way too long past their expiration date. That's one of the things that I'm realizing about myself is that I can really hold on to things way past when they're due until the universe kind of forces my hand. So I'm learning to get faster at it, to be like, okay, I could have sensed from the very beginning that this was not right.
And yet I chose to stick it out because of some reasons I'm gonna share with you in a moment.
Because we think that things are going to change and we hope that things are going to change. And often it comes from a scarcity mindset. It comes from this fear of being alone, of being rejected, of having people abandon our ourselves up, people abandon and leave our lives. When the reality of life is that this planet.
Has what, seven billion people? There's so many people on this planet. Trust me, I have dated a lot of people in the last year. Every time a relationship ends, I meet someone new. And that is because I do put myself out there and I'm doing the work to find relationships and to let relationships find me. And also I know that there are plenty of fish in the sea. There are plenty of friends out there.
Emily the Mystic (33:24.664)
There are plenty of people for you to find. So just because you're walking away from something does not mean that nothing else is going to take its place, that you're going to be alone forever. There may be a period of healing and growth that you go through where you need to focus on yourself. And that's the energy that I'm in right now. But again, it's not going to last forever. And in fact, you should enjoy your solo time. You should enjoy your solo time because
Very often your cup is going to be filled with new relationships, friendships, clients, et cetera. I want to talk a little bit about attachment styles for a moment and kind of some of the things that I notice in the spiritual space and in my own patterning within relationships. So within the attachment theory, we have just going through the classic attachment styles, we have the anxious attachment, we have the avoidant attachment, and we have the secure attachment.
And there are different sub-attachment styles within this, including disorganized attachment, which is a combination of both avoidant and anxious. I tend to lean more towards the avoidant end of the spectrum, although I do have some anxious behaviors that come out when certain things trigger me, which is something I've really been working on. But for the most part, I'm a very independent person. I have learned to rely on myself a lot. I was very independent as a child. I love doing things on my own.
I love living my own life. I actually really do enjoy doing things alone. I've been that way always. I was that way in my 10-year relationship. I need space. I need independence. I need and I need people who understand that. So I have in the past called forward codependent relationships with anxious people where I feel like I need to
Using what I do as a very self-resourced capable person, I end up often stepping into some kind of caretaking role, some kind of codependent role, where I end up the rescuer. I end up being sort of the life raft for people. And I learned that from my own life experience, from my own childhood.
Emily the Mystic (35:47.958)
I learned to take care of people from a very young age. That was what I was raised to do in a Roman Catholic household was to take care of everybody else. And if you don't, then you feel guilty for it. So my default relationship pattern is to call in these dynamics where I'm the independent person, somebody else really needs me. I like to be needed. And because I like to be needed.
And because I gain myself worth and validation and love from being needed, then I end up giving a heck of a lot of my time and energy and effort to take care of the other person, to make sure that they're okay, to navigate their emotions, to navigate the intensity of their emotions, to ensure that they're gonna get to where they need to be and to help them figure that out. By the way, this is something that you can see very clearly in your Gene Keys chart.
So I'm going to talk about that in a little bit here. But before I do, just kind of still speaking to the attachment styles, if you tend to be a little bit more anxious, you may end up calling in people who are a bit more emotionally unavailable, people who can't meet your need. And the anxious attachment is coming from a space where the love that you needed was often taken away from you. And so you
Took whatever you could get when it was available. And your nervous system gets a charge from receiving the attention and the love and the recognition that you do get. So when it comes in spurts, when it comes and drops from people, it feels good in the moment. And it can be really hard to let go of those relationships because we get so attached to the pattern and to the dynamic of the other person occasionally meeting our needs because that's what we're used to.
I also sometimes as an avoidant person, I end up attracting also avoidant emotionally unavailable people because sometimes I can have a hard time fully opening up. And that's one thing I've really had to take a look at this year is why do I keep attracting people who don't let me in? And is it because I'm not letting them in? Is it because I'm afraid of being seen for being my true self? Am I afraid of rejection? Am I afraid of people leaving my life and walking away?
Emily the Mystic (38:13.902)
So can be really interesting to take a look at your attachment style, of course, and how that relates. And so what you can do is you can look within your gene keys chart. There are two spheres. There's the attractor sphere, and there is the culture sphere. Ones at closer to the bottom, ones closer to the top. Your attractor sphere rules the kind of people that you call into your life. And the culture sphere rules your soul family relationships and dynamics.
So the attractor sphere, it's really interesting because often in your life, you will call in people who are in the shadow of this sphere. The shadow is the lower frequency of it. It is the harder emotional end of the spectrum. The gift of the attractor sphere is the higher frequency. So these are going to be the people that you really get along well with that.
you are able to have interdependent relationships with, where you're able to kind of cut not kind of, you're able to come together in such a way where both people are coming to the table with their gifts, with their energy, with their time, with their resources. And you're able to support each other in a dynamic that feels good for both people without there being enmeshment or one person taking on more of the burden or the healing or the helping or the coaching or the rescuing or whatever it is.
Emily the Mystic (39:41.804)
So the attractor sphere, take a look at it. Pull up your Gene Keys chart, genekeys.com. It's free. For me, my attractor sphere, the kind of people that I attract into my life are in the shadow of agitation. The agitation energy, and here's the thing like these are energies that exist within you. So yes, it is often a mirror for what you have going on that you are suppressing or avoiding.
Or it is something that you do have that you do express that you're not even aware that you're doing, you're not conscious of it. So the shadow for me is agitation. The gift is initiative. So I can attract people into my life, and I have attracted clients in this energy into my life as well. And I've attracted people in the dating world into my life in this energy who are so agitated, but they don't know what to do with it. They're just unhappy with their life. They're uncomfortable.
And it brings up this emotional intensity where just being looked at the wrong way brings out some kind of angry, angry emotional reaction. Or there's some sort of, there's like a charge to the emotions. And this isn't to say that anger is wrong or bad. That's not what I'm trying to say. What I am saying is that when you're living your life in a perpetually agitated state, it creates chaos.
And when I attract people in the agitated state, it brings a lot of chaos into my life.
I'm in a place where I'm really looking to cultivate internal peace, where I'm protecting my peace at all costs. So the gift for me that I have been working on elevating into is initiative. People who take action, people who take the agitation, like my this isn't working, this, I don't like this, and they do something about it and they change it. And they they fix it for themselves without me needing to help them or hold their hands.
Emily the Mystic (41:46.38)
Or say you should do this. It's in a process where they're like, yep, okay, done, taken care of. Then the culture sphere rules your soul family. And this is what the gene keys are great for taking a look at who your ideal clients are. So the culture sphere says who your ideal clients are, the ideal people that you bring into your life. It is also can rule romantic relationships and friendships too. And for me, the shadow energy is purposelessness.
So I can attract people into my life who are a bit lost. Who maybe they have an idea of where they want to go, but there's a lot of emotional stuff going on that they just don't have the capacity to take action on it. Or they just are so lost they don't even know. And they end up looking to me to kind of be the raft for them, or to follow in my footsteps, or for me to carry them on my wings.
And that's a burden for me to carry.
The gift for me of this sphere is totality. And so that means attracting people who know what they want and they do it. They elevate, they advance, they develop mastery.
Emily the Mystic (43:11.157)
It just that it is what it is.
Emily the Mystic (43:16.844)
And so these two energies together have made me realize that I step into this role for people where I attempt to guide them towards purpose. I attempt to help them heal. I attempt to help rescue them.
And then I end up blocking myself off in the process.
Emily the Mystic (43:42.156)
So another thing, my light just went out, Andrea, I'm just gonna check on it, because it may have just gone off on an automatic timer.
Emily the Mystic (44:05.219)
That's not dead.
Emily the Mystic (44:19.39)
Hmm.
Okay.
Emily the Mystic (44:39.47)
There we go. We're back.
Emily the Mystic (44:58.766)
Another thing that I want to talk about within the spiritual space that comes up a lot is when we're spiritual people, when we're empathic, intuitive people, we're very dreamy. We love to live in the spiritual world. And that feels really good. You know, it feels good to kind of be in this in-between spiritual place, to meditate, to be in the clouds, to be with our guides. Like, trust me, I love to be in that space. I am a Pisces.
And often that means that we project an idea of what we want a relationship to be on the person, on the relationship versus what is actually there. We look for the potential of what we want within that partnership, within that relationship. And we see we're intuitive, right? We're psychic. So we see the highest timeline. I have found one of the biggest things that I've been learning with a lot of the people that I've dated this year is that I see what I want to see in them.
And I see the potential, and I'm like, I could see how we could be so good together. I see how this could be a partnership. And then because we're spiritual, right? We get a ton of signs and synchronicities, and the cards are telling us that the relationship is gonna work out, and we're seeing all the angel numbers. And
Sometimes the relationship doesn't work out. And sometimes it's not right.
Because we're projecting an ideal onto the relationship, a dream onto the relationship, a vision onto the relationship that is not the truth and that is not the reality of the situation. So you end up holding on to something, a dynamic that's not changing. You see the gap between where you, where the person is and where you want them to be.
Emily the Mystic (46:50.656)
And you hold out hope that with time and maybe some small fixes that they're going to step into that role. And the spiritual experiences, because I'm going to talk about karma and relationships in a moment here, but the spiritual experiences end up creating this imprint, this overlay over the relationship itself that feels so real, that feels so true.
That you just you really, really want. You want it to work out. You want it to happen.
But the spiritual limerence often comes from an unmet need, a void that you're trying to fill. Because there's something in your life that you're avoiding working on that, if you were to work on focusing on that in the third dimension, it would make you so much happier. And that's what I'm in now. I'm like, my gosh, I've been in limerence for so many dynamics in my life for so long. Because I'm avoiding what I actually need to be doing, making my life.
And living my life in a way that is gonna build a foundation for me that's gonna bring me joy.
And I keep coming back to that again and again and again. So I'm sharing with this with you so that you can be aware of it because intensity and depth does not always mean longevity. It does not always mean compatibility.
Emily the Mystic (48:23.438)
I'm gonna say that again. Intensity and depth does not always mean longevity and compatibility. People sometimes come in for a reason or a season and they are not meant to stay for a lifetime.
Emily the Mystic (48:40.598)
It's important that you recognize that because I find that I'm often in these quote, wait and see relationships where I want to see the person tap into their highest potential, and I'm so hopeful for them, and I want them to be, you know, getting the amazing career, you know, building the business, and I'm so excited for them, and I see it. I really see it, and I know they can do it. But then time goes by and it doesn't happen. And then I get disappointed.
And then they feel the weight of my expectation. And that's not fair to them either.
So when you're in those dynamics, you end up cutting off the growth of the other person because your expectation, your spiritual limerence, what you're projecting onto that person is not their authentic self. And it ends up hurting both of you more and
Emily the Mystic (49:39.48)
So be very aware to bring yourself back down to earth to see people for who they are now in this present moment. And are they able to meet you where you need to be? Are they able to meet your needs?
So, I want to tap into some of the symptoms of being in a relationship that you have outgrown, as well as some of the different types of relationship dynamics that I've encountered in my own life that I teach about in the record certification that I think are important to know. So, the spiritual aspect of this is that all relationships have a karmic dynamic and a karmic component. Even the
Positive, benevolent soulmate connections. There is some sort of karmic component. You're teaching each other something, you're helping each other heal something, you are learning something from each other. But ideally, in what I consider to be more of a soulmate relationship, which soulmates can be romantic or platonic, they can be friends, they can be teachers, they can be other kinds of relationships. There is
An easefulness, a peace within the dynamic. Your nervous system feels at rest. You feel like you can just show up and be your true self. And it feels like an exhale. And you're like, my gosh.
You feel like you're coming home to that person.
Emily the Mystic (51:09.676)
It's very interdependent. There's an equal reciprocity where you give to each other and you fill each other each other's cups up. And it doesn't mean you're, you know, giving to them all the time, but it means that you are giving them the space and the encouragement to live their own purpose. And they are doing the same for you. They want to see you succeed. They want you to grow. There's a shared focus on growth.
The soulmate contract is to help each other grow, to become the person that you need to be and the people that you need to be. You want each other to live your best, their best life, your best life, their best life. You want things to go well for each other. You celebrate each other. And there's an ease in that.
And within the soulmate relationship, so more specifically to friendships or soul family, if you want to call them that.
Time can pass. Maybe you don't talk every day. Maybe there's space. And you're still able to come together and pick up right where you left off, as if no time has gone by. Again, there's an ease here. That doesn't mean there won't be conflict. That doesn't mean that you're not gonna trigger each other. But it does mean that working through those triggers is beneficial for both of you.
That both people are able to have to share and be authentic, and that no one is suppressing.
Emily the Mystic (52:51.234)
And I don't know, I find at least for myself, and maybe this is just a Pisces thing, but it's just easy.
Emily the Mystic (53:00.28)
There's no dread. There's no heaviness. There's no obligation. It's like, okay, I love having this person in my life and I know they're gonna be there. And I yes, I'm gonna nurture the relationship because I want to. I'm not saying these are you forget about the, you know, these relationships and they, you know, they just there's no growth and you never talk to each other. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying there's ease, there's cadence, there's connection.
With my ex-partner when we met, it was like instant. We picked up right where we left off when we first met. We were instant buddies, instant best friends. We communicated, we talked all day long. We texted all day long. It was simple. I never doubted where he stood with me. I never I never doubted his intentions, his feelings towards me. It was obvious. It was not like pulling teeth. I was not waiting.
For texts from him, I was not waiting for communication, waiting for dates. It was instantaneous.
And it was fun and it was easeful. And again, there was like this instant dynamic. You know, you've had relationships like that. Maybe it's with your spouse, the person you're dating now, who you're engaged to, maybe it's a best friend of yours. It's like it's, it's, it's instant.
And you light each other up and it's and it's so fun. You talk the same language, you speak the same language. That's really what a soulmate bond feels like.
Emily the Mystic (54:44.6)
So often we attempt to put people in the soulmate bucket because there are things that we like, there are characteristics and qualities that we admire, that we like, that we appreciate.
Emily the Mystic (54:58.006)
And that instant sense of cohesion, of synergy. It's a synergy sort of thing. It's a synergy frequency. It's not always there. And so we try to make it work and we give it time. We're like, well, maybe, you know, maybe this next date or maybe this next friendship phone call, I'll feel differently. But there's always a part of you where you're like, I kind of wish that we
You know, it was it was like this friend it's like this friend that I have where I just like we really hit it off and we're laughing all the time and it's like, you know, we just got along, right? We just got along.
So I like to refer to dynamics that are meant to heal you and teach you something as karmic relationships. Karmic relationships tend to be a bit more difficult in that they come kind with some kind of learning experience that can bring up a trigger or a negative emotion where there's something that needs to be resolved. They're meant to help.
You grow and evolve, but maybe in a way that is not always the most comfortable. Not to say that soulmate relationships are always comfortable, but it is to say that the growth there, it's like we're celebrating each other and lifting each other up, and we're doing, you know, we're both doing great and yay. The karmic relationship is, my God, that triggered the shit out of me. That hurt.
but like no matter what I do, I can't detach from this person. I have to see it through. I have to see where this goes. And
Emily the Mystic (56:43.864)
There's this dynamic there. Maybe there's conflict and fighting, and you're always back and forth with each other, but then you come together and it's great. Or maybe there is, you know, some sort of thing that you have in common that is the glue that holds the relationship together, but you end up feeling like you're moving in separate directions.
There is a deeper sense of karma there that is being worked out, that's being resolved within this lifetime. And ultimately, it's meant to help your soul evolve, right? It's meant to help you heal. So temporarily, there's some sort of difficulty or difficult emotions, triggers, et cetera, activations. But long term, they ultimately help initiate you into a higher level of self, ideally.
Even if temporarily maybe the relationship ends and you are freaking heartbroken and you are rock bottom, you are so sad, or you're so hurt, or the relationship was abusive and you are in a bad place temporarily. In the long run, you pick yourself up. You get yourself together hopefully, ideally. If you're listening to this, you're, you know, you're someone who values growth. So you're working on yourself. But you turn that heartbreak into you alchemize it into.
Learning, you alchemize it into growth, you take that energy and you heal and you become a stronger person, you become a braver person. It doesn't mean that we should have to go through pain. That's not what I'm trying to say, but ultimately in the long run, you end up becoming someone that you need to be.
Emily the Mystic (58:34.36)
So karmic relationships are meant to teach you something.
Within the karmic relationship bucket, there are a couple of more nuanced ones that I have noticed that I've dated over the course of the last year that I want to speak to a little bit about. So one kind of karmic relationship is the activator. The activator is someone who comes into your life usually for a shorter period of time, who is meant to initiate you and activate you into your next level.
So I dated someone briefly at the beginning of this year who was making a lot of money, had this really awesome job, super ambitious, super driven. But he was kind of an egomaniac, definitely a narcissist. Said some things that made me uncomfortable, had some beliefs about women that weren't great. There were a lot of things that were fuzzy.
But I was, woo, I was really blinded by, and I'll be honest, I was blinded by the money. I was blinded by his looks, the Tesla, like all of the shiny things. And what he was meant to do was he came into my life temporarily to help me elevate into a higher level of wealth. And when I was in that dynamic, that's when I bought the car. That's when I bought my fancy car that I
was when was because of that relationship activating me to be in that energy. Another thing that you guys don't know that I don't haven't spoken about too often on this podcast is that towards the end of my 10-year relationship, I was going to the gym a lot at the time, and there was someone at the gym that I was super attracted to. Completely not my normal type. Someone that I would never normally go for, but there was just this energy there that I felt.
Emily the Mystic (01:00:32.396)
I was like, whoa, I haven't felt like this in a long time. I feel so drawn to this person. He's so hot. I'm like, mmm. And I'm not even kidding you. Like, I convinced myself that this person was gonna ask me for my number to the point I was in total spiritual limerence, by the way, at the time. I was like so convinced that this person and I were gonna date. I was so convinced about it that I knew I needed to walk away from my long-term relationship.
Because I felt such intense desire and attraction towards someone else. Yeah, I had never spoken to this man in my life. I didn't even know his name. But he was an activator enough to get me out of the relationship, to make a different choice.
I still to this day don't know his name. I've never spoken to him in my life.
I kid you not, you guys. I broke up with my ex. He was the initiator that helped me realize that I had outgrown the relationship. And I broke up with my ex the first day back at the gym after the breakup, I see this man with another woman. And I quickly come to find out that he was married. He wasn't wearing a ring, so I had no idea. But I know that he was.
put into my reality as an activator.
Emily the Mystic (01:01:59.822)
To completely shake up my reality, completely shake it up so that I would make a different choice. Activators, karmic relationships, they don't even have to be people that you speak to. They can be someone whose presence is enough. Maybe it's someone on social media for you that you really admire. They activate you into leaving your job because you want the life that they have so.
Emily the Mystic (01:02:27.99)
Another one for me, I so I'm I'm recording this episode after I unfortunately was broken up with by someone that I was dating this summer that I did really like. And in hindsight, on our first date, and after that first date, there were things that I was compromising on that did not feel right. There were certain things that I'm looking for in a relationship that were not there, but
I was blinded by the attraction. I was blinded by a lot of the things that this person did bring to the table, by the ease, the comfortability of the relationship. We have very similar personalities, and it was a treat for me to date someone who's a lot like me. And so I was really connected and in tune to that. And that man that I dated for two months was meant to be an activator for me.
To activate me into a higher level of relationship because the dynamic was great in a lot of ways. And I've been entertaining, to be honest, things that aren't at that level. So he initiated me into a step up, to a level up, a dynamic up from where I've been. Again, an activator.
He also activated having to release and let go of something that I needed to do, to take action on. So there were quite a few things. And it's funny because when we first met, I knew he was an activator. And yet I overrode my intuition and I said, maybe this is different. Maybe there is longevity here. Maybe it will work out. Again, I was projecting a lot of potential. The spiritual limerence, the signs.
Emily the Mystic (01:04:17.991)
And it just wasn't right and he felt it too and the relationship needed to end.
So activator contracts help you get to your next level, but they're not meant to stick around. They're not meant to stay. And that can be painful and that can be hard because we can get really attached to the activator. We can. But often the activator is not usually the person that soothes your nervous system. It's not the, it does not always create the sense of safety and depth and connection that you're looking for. The soulmate does that for you.
There's usually something missing with the activator.
And it can be, again, the activator can be as small as someone you've never spoken to before who forces a change in your for who forces your hand and forces a change. Or it could be someone who you date for a year or a few months that shifts your life.
Emily the Mystic (01:05:19.018)
And even if the person leaves you temporarily worse off than how you came in and entered into the dynamic, it gets you into a different energy. It refocuses you, it redirects you. And if you look back with hindsight, you've learned something from it.
Emily the Mystic (01:05:42.19)
There's also within these different types of karmic relationships, there's also the karmic loop soul contract. So these are people that you've had a lot of lifetimes with, where there is some repeating dynamic that you've repeated in past lifetimes that you are here to break the loop with. There is something that you continue to perpetuate in other lifetimes, and you are here in this lifetime to break yourself out of it.
to end the dynamic once and for all, whether it's to break the pattern or to actually end the relationship, to leave the relationship.
Emily the Mystic (01:06:24.834)
The karmic loop relationships are probably going to be your most painful ones because these are the people that you get so attached to. There is spark, there is chemistry, there is intensity. There is a there is an energy there that can't be explained. There's a heightening to the energy there. It's not a calm nervous system. It's like we're up here. There are fireworks. This can even be a friendship.
Where no matter what, you just keep getting pulled back to each other. You just can't walk away. You run into them at the bar and you're like, it's back again.
Or you fight it out and then you come back together and you're like, Yep, we we fixed it. Did we fix it? Or are we just back to square one?
Emily the Mystic (01:07:22.69)
The karmic loops are fucking hard to walk away from. I went through one this past spring with someone that I met at a bar who I was very attracted to. There was like an instant spark. We hit it off right away. We had this like fun texting relationship. There was a lot of chemistry. And
It did not develop into anything else other than that. There were no dates. There was no dating. There was no relationship other than the chemistry and the texting and the seeing each other out and about occasionally.
I needed to break that karmic loop. I needed to choose differently for myself. And when I did, it honestly was an activator because it led me to a completely new identity that I claimed for myself.
Emily the Mystic (01:08:27.212)
And it's interesting too with the karmic loops because they a lot of the time will have a lot of what you're looking for. sorry. Sorry, Andrea, back up. The next kind of relationship soul contract that I want to talk about are the just enough soul contracts. These are kind of like the settling soul contracts. Often there will be a calm nervous system here.
This is one I want you to pay attention to because not a lot of people talk about this one out there in the dating, coaching, and dating space. There's a comp nervous system here. You are relaxed with this person. You often, you can be yourself, but there is a set there is a boring energy to the relationship where it's a little surface level. It's meeting you enough that it's comfortable. You have fun. You do.
But it's not meeting everything that you you need. They have most of what you want, but it's not everything. And there's always a part of you that feels like you're settling a little bit.
Emily the Mystic (01:09:38.732)
Because you've been conditioned to believe that walking that you should work on this. And maybe you're too picky. So you should just be in this because it works and you should be happy that it works. And you see their highest potential, and you're like, well, if they just fix these and resolve these few things, it will work for me. But then you wait and you're just bored and you're like, okay, like this is comfortable. And then you end up.
Saying to your girlfriend complaining about this person to your girlfriends, you know? The just enough soul contract is gonna keep you settling. And it's gonna keep you settling in all areas of your life, too. It's a bit of a distraction. Honestly, the the last person that I dated was that for me. There was a lot of what I liked. It was calm, it was peaceful, but it was boring. It wasn't the depth of what I'm looking for.
Emily the Mystic (01:10:37.282)
And that can exist in a friendship as well. These are the people where, you know, you go out to dinner with them and like you talk and you chat and it's fine. And then when they text you to like get dinner again, you're like, okay, like I'll get dinner with you. And, you know. And by the way, if you're listening to this and you're somebody in my life that I get dinner with, it's not you, okay? I'm speaking to people in my past, people that I've walked away from, where I'm like, this is.
Not how I want to spend and film my time.
Emily the Mystic (01:11:13.802)
It works enough, but it doesn't really bring you joy and you're not so excited. You really want to be excited about your relationships. I want that for all of you guys. You deserve it. 111 on the timer.
Emily the Mystic (01:11:30.894)
Also, we have to talk briefly about the twin flame. I could film a whole episode on the twin flame, you guys, and I will do that. I will do that. So more on that to come. I've kind of tiptoed around this topic. I've interviewed people about twin flames. I haven't shared my full story. I did meet my twin flame last summer. Yes, if you already know, if you've already connected the dots, yes, this was the paranormal investigator.
The twin flame is in the spiritual world. It's someone who has who shares the same oversoul with you. You come and incarnate onto the planet at the same time as this person. One person's usually in the masculine energy, one's in the feminine energy. There's usually a shared sense of mission and purpose. Both people are on similar trajectories or soul paths.
Emily the Mystic (01:12:27.322)
And the purpose of the twin flame dynamic, it's not to come together into some ultimate romantic union, although that can be true for some twin flames. I have seen it, I've had clients who've been there. It's possible. Often it's a dynamic that is meant to initiate and activate you into higher levels of yourself. To this day, I can say, and there's a lot that I can say about this dynamic that I will share in another episode because there's so much. It is a
Crazy story that is worthy of a movie. That's why I know it's a twin flame relationship because I have not met anyone else like this or experienced this. And I s to God hope I never experience this again because it was one of the best and also worst dynamics I've ever experienced in my life.
But to this day, this person expanded me in a lot of ways, introduced me to things that I love. This person was in my life when I got my tattoos, when I adopted the cats. There were a lot of things that this person brought into my world, music that I now am obsessed with, different hobbies and things that I had forgotten about that are now part of my life that really helped me become more Emily.
And that's what the Twin Flame does. They expand you into things because they are an aspect of you in a way that you also enjoy. And so they really help you become a more evolved version of yourself.
But the twin flame is not always meant to be lifelong or lasting. Sometimes in the twin flame dynamic, there is one person in the dynamic that's not willing to do the growth work.
Emily the Mystic (01:14:18.678)
In the twin flame dynamic, both people have very similar upbringings, similar life situations. The timelines, you guys, with the twin flame dynamic are so similar. You're going through similar life situations at the same time. It's freaking wild.
Emily the Mystic (01:14:38.656)
It's it's crazy. Like the parallels are crazy because you're you're on parallel soul paths, like two railroad tracks. But those railroad tracks aren't always meant to come together.
Emily the Mystic (01:14:52.842)
And you're going through these experiences on earth at the same time because you're meant your soul is growing at a faster rate with it incarnating into two separate experiences at the same time.
Emily the Mystic (01:15:12.61)
But often the twin flame dynamic is very activating to both people that both people can't hold it. One person tries to hold on to it so deeply because they see the power, they see the potential, they feel the depth. The connection is insane, you guys. It's insane. It's insane. And one person can't hold it. They literally can't, their nervous system can't hold it. If they haven't done the growth work, they are not going to be able to hold it. And they're not going to be able to hold you.
they're not gonna be able to meet your needs. Simple as that. And if they can't meet your needs,
Do you you don't want them in your life, right? So that ends up evolving into the runner-chaser dynamic that many people in a twin flame relationship experience. And it's freaking painful. It's so emotional. And you have all these crazy experiences, and you get all of these signs to my point about spiritual limerence that reinforce: my God, this person is meant to be in my life. They're my twin flame. Like, my God, all of these things.
Again, I ha I have a whole s so many stories on this that I could tell in detail. And
It's not always meant to last.
Emily the Mystic (01:16:30.871)
So
The twin flame, albeit a painful one, teaches you an important lesson.
It teaches you to become who you are and it teaches you detachment, to detach from that person and their experience because you can't control it. You can't control another human being.
Even if they're quote unquote part of your over soul.
Emily the Mystic (01:17:00.34)
They had free will.
Emily the Mystic (01:17:06.092)
And you're two different people in this human reality going through two different life experiences. And even if you're on parallel railroad tracks, they can use their free will to do other things. And that's not up to you to decide.
Emily the Mystic (01:17:21.622)
So that's the twin flame.
Emily the Mystic (01:17:28.994)
Those are the main karmic relationship dynamics that are coming up for me to talk about right now. And
The final soul contract that I will say is that ideally a soulmate relationship, which I consider my ex partner to be one because he was in my life for 10 years, and there was it was so beautiful in so many ways, and ultimately we had outgrown each other and we were on two different paths.
Emily the Mystic (01:17:59.146)
So the final soul contract is the divine life partner.
If you are a spiritual person here with a big mission and purpose, and you know that you want love, that divine life partner is meant to help you fulfill your purpose. They're not meant to complete you, they're not, quote unquote, your other half. They are meant to be an interdependent partner for you. And you're meant to come together to bring each other so much love and to bring each other's lives so much value.
And joy and and
And that relationship will have longevity to it, whether you get married or you're partnered for the long run.
Emily the Mystic (01:18:49.912)
That's sort of the highest frequency of relationship caliber that many of us are craving in this lifetime.
And I have decided for myself, and it's a decision you have to make for yourself, that you will not settle for anything less than that caliber. It's a high caliber. And I, being honest, have been attracting people who are not at that caliber.
Emily the Mystic (01:19:18.22)
And I need people in my life who can support the mission and the purpose.
And who are equally coming to the table doing their own thing too, because that's part of it.
So to wrap up this episode, I do want to talk a bit about because a lot of you guys have asked me about this.
How do you know when the relationship needs to end? When you've outgrown it, when you need to release it? It's one of the hardest freaking things. I don't wish this on anyone. On the day that I knew I needed to break up with my ex, our last night together after he left, and I knew it needed to end, I was in the heart, the worst pain I have ever been in in my entire life. Worse than losing loved ones. There is
It is so fucking hard to have to say goodbye to somebody who is your best friend.
Emily the Mystic (01:20:20.362)
And who you know is still gonna be alive on this planet. With death, to be hon, and this is my experience. This is literally just my experience. I'm just speaking from the heart. With death, there's a finality to it. You know that person's not coming back, and that's fucking hard. Trust me, I've been through it. I've lost a lot of loved ones. It sucks. With walking away from something that is great but not right and not enough.
that has been built into your life for such a long time, it is terrifying as shit. It is so painful. I don't wish it on anybody. I really don't. To have to say goodbye to someone that you love so deeply, but know that love isn't enough.
Like, no wonder it's taken me a year to heal from this. It's awful. It's, it's, it's really, it's a lot. It's a lot. And if you've been there, like I see you, it's a really unique soul experience that not many people will go through. And maybe you've been through a divorce or a separation from a long-term relationship and you understand. It's also a different kind of heartbreak when someone brings this to your doorstep.
And walks away from you. But to have to make that choice for yourself, it's it's to me, it it's it's really, really challenging. So how did I know that I had outground this relationship? Well, within the dynamic, I had spent towards the end of our relationship.
I had spent a lot of time really working on myself, my business, being in my purpose, doing myself growth work, healing, going to therapy, you know, doing all the things that we do in the spiritual space.
Emily the Mystic (01:22:16.31)
My ex at the time unfortunately had lost a job, and that job loss being laid off continued to be his story.
There were other things, other dynamics going on in the relationship, needs that weren't being met between both of us, where it just wasn't right. And
I realized that my growth was skyrocketing. There was a stalling point on his end. And he's aware of this. And we talked about it a lot at the end of our relationship. Where we were not able to meet each other at the foundation that we both needed for a successful life and a potential successful future marriage. I thought I was going to marry this person. They say, you know, when you know, you know.
When I first met him, I thought he was my husband. I lived in that reality for a long time.
I love this man so deeply. And he wasn't able to be where I needed him to be. And what did that cause for me? Well, I started suppressing my feelings about it. I avoided the issue. Again, I was in a codependent dynamic. So I tried to help him. I tried to help him find a job, tried to figure it out, tried to help him find purpose, like all of these things. And I ended up suppressing my own needs.
Emily the Mystic (01:23:48.066)
So some signs for me that I had outgrown the relationship were that I had disconnected from my body. I had gained a lot of weight. If you look back at pictures of me, I look completely different. My face was puffy, that I had a lot of fluid retention. I had sprained my ankle twice within a very short period of time. I was developing random health issues, heart palpitations, anxiety that I hadn't had since my corporate job, that all of a sudden came back around.
My body was screaming at me that something wasn't right. The chemistry, that dynamic was not there anymore. We were friends. If you know what I mean, we were friends. And I lived in a daily cycle of doubt. I was always in doubt. That doubt and that uncertainty that I was in every single day was so draining.
Because when you're in doubt and uncertainty, I spend a lot of time overanalyzing, researching, looking up the charts, trying to figure out what can I do to make this better? What do I need to heal within myself in order to shift the dynamic to make this better? You spend a lot of time working on yourself thinking it's going to change the other person and it doesn't. It doesn't. There is nothing wrong with you, my listener. If you're doing that and you're hoping that the other person's going to change and you've been waiting for a while, trust me, I tried.
I tried, I did my best.
You end up when in a relationship that you've outgrown, you feel like that dynamic takes a lot of your time and energy away from the things that you love, from your own passions, from your own desires, from your own life. And it unintentionally isolates you.
Emily the Mystic (01:25:43.202)
From people from other people that you love. I realized when I left that relationship, I didn't have a lot of friends. I have great friends from college, some friends from the business, from social media, but I didn't have a girl gang like I do now. I had to build that after I left the relationship.
Emily the Mystic (01:26:06.54)
I felt like I was not able to be my full authentic self. I couldn't speak my spiritual language. I couldn't be true to myself. I couldn't speak at the level of depth that I speak with you on this podcast. So I felt like I was kind of hiding in a way.
Emily the Mystic (01:26:28.672)
Now, here's some other things that I've realized in other relationships that I realized that I had outgrown that were not necessarily true for my ex-partnership, but just some other considerations for you to have, because this has come up for me a lot. when I know that I need to walk away from something that I've outgrown, you just don't feel the same joy that you used to. There's almost a sense of like heaviness or dread.
Maybe dread's not the right word, but it feels like a burden. You're like, I have to show up in this space. I know I have to do this. It feels like an obligation. You don't want any of your relationships to feel like an obligation on your calendar. Like, I just have to make time for this person. I have to see them in this cadence. No. You should want to.
Emily the Mystic (01:27:20.682)
If you feel like you have to manage the other person's feelings a lot of the time, and you end up suppressing your own needs and avoiding your own truth because you're afraid of how they could react, it's not a healthy dynamic. As I was saying at the beginning, they're new that it's so nuanced. It's so subtle. You don't even realize you're doing it. But when the the underlying dynamic in the foundation of the relationship is to keep the peace all of the time.
You've outgrown it.
Emily the Mystic (01:27:54.636)
Because you're trying to man you're tiptoeing around the other person, you're walking on eggshells, you're trying to manage their feelings. When inside of you, you know that you want more and you want peace and you want someone who's growth oriented with you, who is willing to look in the mirror and say, okay, here are the things that I know I need to change.
You realize you're growing in different directions. And there's a part of you that feels like you're being held back. They're not moving with you.
Emily the Mystic (01:28:27.096)
So you attempt to rescue, you attempt to coach, you attempt to try to help them.
Emily the Mystic (01:28:36.13)
But there's always a part of you and maybe they take on some of the guidance and maybe they make some changes and that keeps you on edge for a while. You're like, yay, it's working. Like they are doing what I asked for. Amazing. But then there's a part of you that still feels like you're settling.
Emily the Mystic (01:28:54.124)
Another thing I've noticed in this dynamic as well is especially if you are the person who is growing and shifting and changing, there can be this weird dynamic where there's almost this suppressed jealousy on their end. Maybe maybe it's not suppressed, but you can sense that when you're happy, when things in your life are going well, the other person
Acts weirdly around you, or maybe they avoid you, or they avoid talking about the things in your life that are going well in favor of complaining or being a victim or, you know, being caught up in their own stuff. And they want you to listen to the issue of the hour and like all of these things. When you just want to be celebrated, you want to be like, guess what? This amazing thing happened, and I want to talk about it. But the focus gets redirected. There's always something there that's not.
I do find that, and this is not true for all of these dynamics, but I do find that sometimes there can be flavors of self-obsession.
There can be subtle flavors of narcissistic behaviors. I'm not saying that these kinds of people are narcissists. But what I am saying is that there can be a very ego-centered quality to these relationships where you end up feeding them.
And you're obviously getting something from this. You wouldn't stay in the dynamic if you weren't. Your needs are getting met somehow by providing, by giving. Your worth gets validation when you're able to help the person in some manner or provide the listening ear. Or be them when they're in a crisis, be there for them when they're in a crisis. You like to feel needed, you like to feel wanted, you don't want to be alone.
Emily the Mystic (01:30:48.51)
Often the hardest thing to take a look at, and this is where we're gonna start to wrap up the episode, is that underneath all of this, the fear of walking away is because you're so afraid of being alone and what life is gonna look like, the uncertainty of what comes on the other side.
Emily the Mystic (01:31:12.214)
And trust me when I say this, the universe always fills a void. It may not be immediately with another person, but it will be with things that you know that you need to do that you've been avoiding. Filling up your time with other relationships, other friendships, maybe going to the gym, maybe getting your schedule in order, maybe focusing on your finances, maybe actually building and growing your business.
Maybe listening to more podcasts that bring you joy or taking the course that you've always wanted to take. Your time will get filled up with other things. And yes, there will be moments of loneliness. You will have nights where you feel so alone and it hurts. Even if you have a lot of people around you, it's still normal to feel lonely. Trust me, I've been there.
And I am learning to love the solo time. I am learning to love this stage of my life where I get to do things for me because I know it's not gonna last forever.
Emily the Mystic (01:32:19.832)
So if you're listening to this and there's something in your life that's just pulling on you where you know, you know, it's just, it's gotta change. I also wanna just share a couple of pieces of guidance with you.
One of the things that I have to be so self-aware of is that I was suppressing my own feelings in some of these relationships to keep the peace. And so I ended up unintentionally hurting people in my life by ending the relationship without communicating what was missing for me. It just sort of came out of the blue and I was like, I just have to be done because there's all of this stuff that I haven't spoken out loud. And that hurts people.
And I realize that and I take accountability for that when you end up blindsiding someone because I've been on the other end of it. I know. This two-month dating relationship I was in, he was more uncertain than I was and wasn't communicating that to me, and I had no idea. So I'm going along my merry way and I'm like, this is fun and I'm enjoying myself and we'll see where this goes. And then he blindsides me and is like, this isn't working. And I'm like, I had no idea because you didn't tell me.
And I realize I've done that to other people where I didn't communicate to them that things weren't working. And when you try to be a peacekeeping person and you try to be a positive person, sometimes it ends up unintentionally hurting the other person because you surprise them when you come to them and you say it's not working. So I'm not telling you to suppress your truth because you've been doing that for so long. Stop it.
But you need to open up the doorway to the communication first for repair. Go into it with the intent of repair, unless if you know that you are so done and you so need to walk away. But go into it with the intent of repair. Communicate. See if there are things that you can work on. But maybe you've gotten to the point where you're like, no, I need to walk away. It is done. I am D-O-N-E done.
Emily the Mystic (01:34:28.066)
And that's okay. And it's okay to walk away.
If this is your permission slip to walk away, to release something, to let it go. We've got a powerful full moon in Aries at the end of this month, a fiery full moon where maybe something in your life needs to be completed.
Now's your time to think about that, to reflect on it, to get ready for that. It is a total nervous system adjustment and recalibration when someone leaves your life or when you leave someone's life. You're so used to the pattern of the communication and the cadence in the day-to-day that when the dynamic ends, it's it's weird. It feels super weird and it's super uncomfortable. And that healing takes time. It took me
A lot of time and it was very jolting to my system when my ten year relationship ended.
So give yourself the time to process to heal. Cut back on your to-do list. Don't suppress the feelings because they will end up coming out later. Trust me on that. A lot of mine came out a year later. But grief is, you know, comes in waves. It's a journey. It's a process.
Emily the Mystic (01:35:44.938)
So don't be afraid of the grief and don't use avoidance of the grief as a means to stay in the relationship because you end up suppressing your own happiness in the long run. And sometimes the temporary pain is worth the longevity of your own happiness.
Emily the Mystic (01:36:05.102)
If you needed to hear that, I know I did. That message was for you. Do what makes you happy, my listener. Think about, contemplate, reflect on the relationships that bring you joy, the ones that feel like synergy, the ones that feel like soul family, and the ones that feel like it's just not right. And sometimes it's that weird sense of it's just not right.
That is enough to tell you they're not for you. Listen to those subtle senses. Your intuition knows. You're a deep feeler, you're very sensitive. You already know. This is just your mirror. This is your reminder. This is your validation. And if you need support with any of this, one of my favorite things to do in a session is to support my clients with healing their relationship patterns.
We do cord cutting, we do extractions, we do spirit release, because often there's a wound underneath the pattern from childhood, from your past lives that we need to address, where there's a spirit attached that's siphoning. It's a parasitic energy that's siphoning from you, that's feeding the pattern, feeding the dynamic. So you end up repeating these relationship patterns again and again and again, whether within the same dynamic or it's the
Same person in a different body. So I love to help you get clear on that. See how you've manifested this from past lives, what the past life dynamics were. We can cut the quartz, we can clear the energy and release it for good. So I know this episode is super long. I appreciate you listening. There was so much I needed to say. I love you guys so, so much. And come see me.
I can't wait to support you in navigating this for yourself. So with that being said, the portal is now closed. I wish you luck on your relationship journey and know that I'm right there with you.
